Who Says “I Do?”

DOES WHOEVER YOU THINK YOU ARE TAKE WHOMEVER SHE THINKS SHE IS TO BE YOUR WIFE?

DOES WHOEVER YOU THINK YOU ARE TAKE WHOMEVER SHE THINKS SHE IS TO BE YOUR WIFE?

My wife and I have a photo album and a VHS videotape of our wedding.  And it’s a good thing, because I missed the whole event.

I was very nearsighted at the time, but my betrothed thought it would be a good idea for me to be married without my glasses on so that I would look better in the pictures.

I’m telling you, I saw nothing the entire day but a soft blur. I was able to recognize large shapes and detect movement, so I gathered that the enormous cotton ball heading in my direction was my beautiful bride.

After the wedding, I eventually put my glasses back on. But even with prescription lenses there were still many things I wasn’t seeing clearly.

When we returned from our honeymoon as newlyweds, we moved in to our first home. But I didn’t see all the baggage we brought in with us. And I didn’t notice all the extra people that followed each of us into the house. I didn’t see that, as we headed into our future together, we brought our individual histories with us.

But, in time, the Spirit addressed my severe “nearsightedness” progressively in three stages:

STAGE 1: SEEING AN IMPOSTOR

I started to notice that it was a little cluttered and bit crowded in our home. So, I unpacked some of my baggage and ushered some uninvited guests out. Seeing how my response to past experiences created a false self represented the first improvement in my vision.

STAGE 2: SEEING THE REAL ME

Then, as I looked in the mirror each day, I began to make out the contours of my own reflection. With steadily improving eyesight, I saw the real me more clearly and was able to start living authentically from my true self. Recognizing my true identity was evidence of more correction in my eyesight.

STAGE 3: SEEING A VISION OF HER

Then one day my vision improved dramatically when the Bridegroom brought into sharper focus an insight about marriage I hadn’t seen very clearly before. The Bridegroom has a beautiful vision of the person my bride will become. My primary role as her husband is to cooperate with Him as He brings His radiant vision of my bride into reality.

As it turns out, on the day my bride and I exchanged our wedding vows, neither one of us was seeing the other–or ourselves–very clearly.  Neither of us knew the bride and groom as well as we thought we did.

But with a new set of eyes I see that who we were then is not nearly as important as who we both shall become.  The Bridegroom loves His bride with a view to transformation. And He calls us to love one another by participating in the transforming work that He is doing in preparation for a wedding that He has planned.

On that wedding day, I don’t want to miss a thing.

In what ways have you noticed that your vision has improved?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 thoughts on “Who Says “I Do?”

  1. Great post, Dave. As usual. 🙂 I love your word picture here about how well we THINK we see versus the reality of how well we actually see when we say those two little words. It seems like as my husband and I have grown in our love, our vision has become more clear. We’ve seen our issues and have had to learn how to work through them offering large dousings of grace in the process.

    When you said, “The Bridegroom has a beautiful vision of the person my bride will become. My primary role as her husband is to cooperate with Him as He brings His radiant vision of my bride into reality.” it immediately made me think of a conversation my husband and I had years ago. He’s been living this out too. 🙂 Otherwise, I wouldn’t be writing today. I’m learning how to love and support him in the ministry he does and in the demands his job makes of him. I could go on and on, but I don’t want to bore you. 🙂

    I loved this post!

    • Jeanne, I sincerely appreciate your encouraging comments and I love the way you connect thoughts to applications and experiences. .It’s so great that you and your husband have been given new eyes to see each other–and your marriage relationship–with more clarity.
      And you’re not boring:-)
      Thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

  2. Great post, and a really fresh way of looking at how we see things.

    One thing I have learned of late is that helping one’s spouse reach a clear vision of who we are is a valuable, and perhaps essential legacy.

    One or the other of a couple will one day be left alone, and the wound will be cleaner, and heal better, if it’s based on reality.

    I’ve seen too many people pay a lifetime of homage to the myth of a dead spouse. I want Barbara to be able to mourn for a short time the passing of a real person…and then move on. She’ll probably have many years of life to come, and she should not be anchored over a sunken ship.

    Death cults kinda suck.

    • Andrew, I appreciate the unique angle of your reflection on the importance of being authentic and seeing the real other person in the context of our relationships. As usual, you are helping me see new and different things. Thank you for your comments and for sharing thoughts that help me to process truth.more deeply.

  3. “The enormous cotton ball headed in my direction” – I needed a good laugh. I wonder how clearly I see even now, but I think I’m more lucid about relationships, truth, and what God wants from me.

    • Well said, Kim. Neither of us are aware of the things we are still not seeing . But I am thankful that we both see more clearly than we used to with respect to “relationships, truth, and what God wants” from us. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  4. I’m speechless Dave. Great post. “But with a new set of eyes I see that who we were then is not nearly as important as who we both are becoming. The Bridegroom loves His bride with a view to transformation. And He calls us to love one another by participating in the transforming work that He is doing in preparation for a wedding that He has planned.”

    This transformation is slow but exciting. I’m finally learning to enjoy the ride.

    • Brother Keith, thank you for letting me know what “spoke” to you in this post.
      I think you bring up an important point by mentioning that you are learning to “enjoy the ride.” Opening ourselves up to joy in the journey will only encourage our progress. Thank you for your insight!

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