The Kryptonite Solution (part 3 of 3)

Super Dude

Flying Free

In The Kryptonite Effect, I looked at how relational dysfunctional can produce a family identity that is at odds with our true identity. In The Kryptonite Source, I pointed to the Fall as the root cause of sin’s destructive assault on relationships.

But what’s the solution?

Of course, having strong, deep, healthy, mutually edifying relationships with everyone on Planet Family is our ideal. Some of us may enjoy something approaching our ideal. But for most of us, Ideals-ville is a long way off from For-Reals-ville where we live.

So, if family baggage packed with Kryptonite prevents us from enjoying the authentic and intimate relationships we desire with members of our family of origin, what can we do?

It’s not an option to adopt their alternate identity in order to be received. And it might be fruitless to try to persuade our families that we are someone other than who they “see.” It could be best to adjust our expectations, set some healthy boundaries, and limit our interaction.

The good news is that Jesus Christ creates family. Through Jesus, we can find friends in other believers who will stick closer to us than a brother or sister. That’s been my experience. And I hope that my family members find what I have found—healing and encouragement through a new family in Christ.

But what about my kids? My home is their Krypton, and, at last count, there are eight Kryptonians populating this planet. I know I’ve wounded them. I can’t undo what I’ve done. But I can love them and lead them out of my brokenness—admitting failures, confessing wrongs, and offering myself to God as an agent of their healing.

And should my children confront me with a father-inflicted wound, I can own my wrong and seek their forgiveness.

What’s your solution?

6 thoughts on “The Kryptonite Solution (part 3 of 3)

  1. A few things I’ve learned:
    I can’t change the Kryptonite Effect that radiates from my home planet, i.e. family of origin. It’s their natural orbit. I can recognize it — I can’t change it.
    If I allow God to work through me — change me by embracing His grace and His truth — then I create a healthier home “planet” for my family now — my husband and kiddos. Not perfect — but healthier. I still have to own my mistakes, the times I try to pull them into a Krypton-loaded interaction.
    It’s the whole more-of-God-less-of-me principle: Who is influencing my life the most? Planet Krypton or the grace of God? Because whoever is influencing me, influences my most valued relationships.

    • I like what you said about acknowledging what you don’t have the power to do–change the atmosphere or fix the Kryptonite dysfunction. And I love what you said about your own personal change through more of God and His grace in your life. As you mature and grow in Him, and become healthier, the community you are helping cultivate will also mature and grow as well. The Krypton analogy represents dysfunctional community, and the grace of God in Christ offers hope of real change in the character of family community. My oldest daughter drew the short straw because she had the youngest, most immature and unhealthy version of her father. The community I cultivated was also the most immature and unhealthy. And she caught on to the dysfunction. But I think she’s seen positive change in me and, as a result, in the character of the household community. I’ll end with what you said, “whoever is influencing me influences my most valued relationships.” Yes. Well said.

  2. I’m learning that there truly are friends out there who stick closer than blood relatives do. It’s been such a blessing to embrace new family and focus on that blessing, as opposed to agonizing over the “loss” of other “family.”
    Thanks for speaking truth!

  3. I can totally relate to everything you’ve mentioned. That “family identity” is control stemming from fear which is at odds with our “true identity” of freedom in Christ who is love. “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (Gal 5:1) I was just telling my beautiful wife today that with every passing day I feel more emotionally free and am therefore more comfortable enjoying and/or dealing with relationships in this completely insane world.

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